Tag Archive | twin

Bitter sweet bump

May14

Getting ready for work this morning I tried on two pairs of smart trousers in preparation for an important meeting but couldnt do the zip up on either of them. Usually at work I wear stretchy jeans or jeggings and loose jumpers to cover up and today after finally squeezing into the third pair I am left very aware of my oversized tummy from when I was pregnant. 

It is not that this is my first time noticing my protruding belly, in fact every day I am conscious of it particularly when showering or dressing in front of the mirror but to avoid getting carried away somewhere in my thoughts I will try to think about something else.

Recently though and on a day like today my tummy somehow kept my gaze for longer and I feel like I want to exercise and watch what I eat as I don’t want to look fat or be unhealthy. I also feel insecure at times when I don’t feel attractive in my clothes. This situation has not been helped by the many evenings of comfort eating through times of grief and when I grab yet another chocolate bar to help ease the pain.

My husband thankfully accepts me and tells me that he loves me just as I am (I haven’t been teeny tiny slim anyway since knowing him and he prefers a curvy figure which has always helped my self esteem) but I would want to do this for myself. 

However this urge to lose the pregnancy flab has not been my usual story these last few months so as I gaze down at my protuding belly bump I now find myself in a conflict of emotions.

For me, having a growing bump during pregnancy had been one of the most amazing experiences of my life. I had yearned for the day I would find out I was pregnant and when we finally conceived I couldn’t wait to see how my tummy would expand. As Chloe and Grace developed I was so excited to see a bit of a bump fairly early on and being twins the bump grew quickly. I was so proud of my bump and to be carrying my babies. I was disappointed a few times when people didn’t notice this on the tube to work and offer their seat but then I was super happy when they started to. 

I didn’t look in the mirror and wince at my figure or worry when I didn’t fit into my clothes. I loved wearing maternity wear that accentuated and celebrated my new curvylicious figure. This was what I had dreamt of for a long time. It was my time to flourish and blossom as a mum to be and my family and friends loved it too to see me so happy. 

Each week my husband would take a photo of me with my bump at various angles and in the same top so that I could later look back and see my bump progress. I would send these photos each time to my mum, dad and sister who were so excited to soon meet their first grandchildren and nieces.  I had planned to make a time lapse video once I gave birth and one day show my girls photos of when they were in mummy’s tummy. 

For the one time in my life I could be just as I was, I didn’t care about the extra pounds I put on or the shape I was becoming. I loved how I looked. This was who I was destined to be. 

Though I felt sick for at least 14 weeks, suffered heartburn, had uncomfortable stretchy pulls and pelvic pain to the point I struggled to walk, I loved my big growing bump.  My bump held my future family.

I knew that in November when my babies were meant to be born at 32 weeks by ceasarian section any remaining pregnancy bump would eventually go. I had learnt that breast feeding could help to lose weight. In my case perhaps initially I would breast pump so I could feed my babies through tubes for the first few weeks in neonatal care until they were strong enough to feed properly. Perhaps I would get fitter by walking lots in the park with them in the double buggy with other mums or just the busyness of being a twin mum would help me get back in shape. 

Yet it wouldn’t matter to me even if I ended up bottlefeeding or if it took some time to lose the weight, as having some post pregnancy flab was to be expected. I would have looked upon my two longed for girls and known it was worth it all just to have them alive in my life.

Of course I have no idea if any of this would have happened like this since these were mere dreams and I will not get to see them in reality.

When Chloe and Grace were stillborn in September not only was my heart grieving their loss and dealing with the trauma of giving birth to lifeless babies whose cry we wouldn’t hear, but my body continued through the usual physical motions as if my babies were still alive. Taking tablets to dry up my milk the day of their birth when I should have been nourishing my girls was the most tragic and unnatural thing to do and went against every maternal instinct I had. Yet I knew it would have been even more devastating to have my milk come through without my babies.

When we said goodbye to our beautiful daughters just before the midwives took them to the cold room of the hospital to await their funeral, my bump was still visible. It was not as pronounced as it had been carrying twins at 24 weeks (a bit like a 30 week single baby), but it was still a part of me and my journey with my babies that I dearly wanted to hold onto.

My uterus had to contract back to normal size so the midwife would visit to check I was healing properly and I bled heavily on and off for nearly 6 weeks. All sorts of things were happening to my body that were new to me as this was my first time. I was told that all of this was to be expected after birth but it was a gut wrenching reality to face with no babies to hold. 

At first I could not look at myself in the mirror without crying in despair as I realised my big bump was gone and that I would have to learn to accept the brutal truth that I was childless. Yet although over time my tummy reduced in size I still had a tiny bump.

My body yearned to hold Chloe and Grace close for weeks after. Sometimes I would hold a cushion and rock when I cried over them. I even held their tiny box of ashes next to my tummy the day we took them home after the funeral as that would be the closest I would get to carrying them again.  

I had gotten so used to protecting my large twin filled bump that for months after, I automatically went to pull my now much smaller tummy away from the kettle as I poured hot water into a cup in case it splashed and hurt them.

To look down then today at my little bump and to feel too tight in my smart trousers is so bitter sweet. For the last few months it has been a visible reminder of the heartache I have been through and the waves of grief that have followed. Yet at times it has been a comfort and is now the only physical sign on my body to show that my babies existed. 

I know I won’t ever forget them. They and the memories of those many joyous days carrying them will stay with me always. I also have their photos and their footprints to look at and the beautiful ring of their hearts entwined on my finger.

Yet to lose this bump I feel I will lose another little part of them.

So I go about my day and look forward to getting back into my loose trousers. I know I will need to decide soon on starting that exercise regime and cutting back on the chocolate but for now I hold my tiny bump that remains and think upon my two sweet girls. 

💗💗 xx

My babies matter as much as the babies you can see

Apr14

Please talk to me about my babies. You may not see me holding them or see photos of them on social media but they are very much here in my heart. Months have passed and seasons have changed. Perhaps your life has moved on, but my precious little babies still remain a big part of me and my life every day. I will never get over this or move on but I will move forward on a different journey.

Please mention my babies by name, it means so much when you acknowledge who they are. Though they did not get to breathe even a breath of the air we breathe they are still my children. We had planned their names for years. These are the children we had hoped and prayed for all our marriage.

Please remember their birthday as you would if they were still here. I will always know how old they would have been at each coming year and the milestones they would have achieved.

They can’t be replaced by me just ‘having another baby’. There will always be a huge void in our lives where they were meant to be. They will always be my first. And besides our twins were our miracles, not every woman can easily conceive.

You may not realise it but saying words like ‘twin’, ‘birth’, ‘pregnancy’ or ‘baby’ around me with no prior warning or sensitivity can cause a seismic wave in my heart. Although I may look happy and content on the outside, on the inside yes there are fragments of happiness but amidst a field of broken dreams and I have yet to recover from a major trauma.

Yes it pains me to see that you are expecting, but that’s because you are a reminder of who I was when I had the privaledge of carrying my babies. I have vivid memories of feeling my twins kick and move and on the scans every two weeks they would cuddle and kiss. I could see them alive and well, they were perfectly formed. Yet please know that I rejoice that you are going through this amazing journey and will soon meet your baby. You and I have a connection and I understand some of those worries that you may have. Don’t forget too that I know what it is like to go through weeks of sickness, to suffer heartburn, pelvic pain and later to ride the storms of labour contractions.

I love that you now have a baby to take home from the hospital, please celebrate them, shout from the rooftops of the joy they bring, I would have and dreamt of the day I would do the same!  I love that your little one is growing up. Do tell of those cute things they do and say. Yet please don’t forget that I am a mother too.The love I feel for my babies is just the same as the love you feel for yours. The difference is I don’t get to show them. I love them and mother them from afar. Oh how I long for them and miss them each day. I breathe the memories of their short lives each day and I can’t simply dettach from the future vision I had built up of my life that was to be, with them and holding them.

I know for some, children can be hard to cope with and believe me I probably would be moaning by now about the stresses of coping with twins, but please do think before you tell me of your ‘bad’ day with the kids. Oh what I would give to have just one of those days or even an hour with my babies alive again.

Please don’t assume how I may feel. Please don’t pass me by if you don’t know what to say.  I need you and I am still me. Yes these times are hard for me but I am surviving through. Hopefully I will be a stronger me. I cling to hope and my heart is bursting with love.

Let me share with you about my babies. With my streams of tears there also comes a fountain of thankfulness and pure joy at having been part of their lives.

Please don’t forget them. My babies matter as much as the babies you can see. Especially to me. 💗💗

Making a difference for others

Apr10

Today hubby and I spent the afternoon working with the NHS maternity bereavement team and a few other bereaved parents to rewrite the survey that goes out to parents who have lost about their care and gave our input to a new toolkit for parents as well as better training for medical staff. This will be put out nationally this summer.
I am so grateful for the amazing care and information we received when our world fell apart in September but in other hospitals this is not always the norm and some things we would want to be done better. We told them of what mattered the most.
We feel privaledged and honoured to have been asked and to hopefully make a difference for future bereaved parents.

For us the medical staff held us emotionally when our babies hearts had stopped and guided us through what we can only describe as a nightmare over the next few days and beyond to go through labour to meet them but then have to say goodbye. Yet amidst all this we remember the wonderful support of the midwives who sensitively looked after our needs as a family and respected our girls to the highest level they deserve and acknowledged who they were by calling them by name.

Being a part of this meeting today and what is to come is just one way we hope to continue to honour our beautiful daughters Chloe and Grace here on earth though they are not here with us 💗💗

A lift encounter 

Jan27

This evening I got into a lift with my hubby after a much deserved date night and we were very quickly followed in by a mum and her identical twin girls. They were maybe 4 or 5 years old with deep brown eyes, dark long hair and olive skin. As the door closed I was trapped and felt a sense of panic as for a few moments I couldn’t avoid facing my strong mixed emotions.

As they gazed up at me and gave me the cutest smiles I was mesmerized. My heart just felt full and part of me just wanted to stare at their beauty. As I looked into their eyes I could imagine that this lady was me. Me with my daughters Chloe and Grace. Had we just been shopping together ? Or for a meal?

The other part of me just hurt to the core and my heart again felt broken.This was not me but should have been.

On the whole, seeing babies and children don’t get to me as much anymore but identical twin girls in a lift with no way to avoid them was a real test for my heart. No matter what happens and in how many years I will always have Chloe and Grace in my thoughts, I will know the age they should be at any given time and though I never got to look into my babies’ eyes as they were born sleeping, whenever I see twins or little girls with deep brown eyes, I will dream of what could have been.

Hearts entwined

Dec18

After weeks of deciding what jewellery would be best to get in memory of my beautiful daughters Chloe and Grace I went with this interlocked heart ring in rose gold. This is something I can always wear (a necklace would have been lovely too but I tend to wear chunky necklaces).

It has their names inscribed inside and even the position of the hearts matches where they were in my womb before they were born. I liked pink stones to symbolise them being girls but also wanted sapphire (usually blue) to mark September and managed to get pink sapphires!! 🙂 I love it!! 💖💖

A lovely surprise

Nov17

Last Friday I went to a pamper evening. I ordered 2 wooden engraved hearts with my girls’ names on for the Christmas tree from a lovely woman there and ended up telling her about my story. Anyway they arrived today. Absolutely cried my eyes out when I opened the package to not only see the 2 hearts but a third …Look at the note and what she wrote and what the third one says ….How lovely of her!! 💕

The day we met you

Sep29

Mummy and Daddy went back into hospital Monday 26th September. Nanny and Grandpa took us and stayed with us. They were our rocks!

I hadn’t Sept all night as I knew what was to come but it was all very scary as I had no idea what labour would be like. I had no preparation for this as I was due a caesarian section at 32 weeks. How painful would it be? how long would it take? what if I should die? At the same time I was grieving for you in my heart too. I didn’t know how I would feel when we would meet you. You weren’t going to be alive. You wouldn’t cry or open your eyes or move. You had already gone but we would still have the priveledge of seeing what Mummy and Daddy had created together after so many years of dreaming what you could look like..

We found ourselves back in the same room where the consultant confirmed your hearts had stopped. This time my bed was laid and I noticed the seethrough perspex crib at the end of the room. there was also a bed for Daddy at the side for when he got tired later on.

I spoke to Aunty M on the phone. She would come to see you when you were born.

The consultant did a final scan to see where you were positioned. You were head down. Grace you were still on my right higher up and Chloe, you were on my left lower down so you would be born first.

We met the lovely midwives who explained what would happen next. I would be given a pessary to dilate my cervix and induce contractions every 3 hours with a maximum of 5. after then i would need special IV drugs. They struggled to find veins to take blood and for setting up an IV line.

I was given my first pessary at 10.30am. Soon I felt my uterus tightening. I went for a walk with Nanny in the u-shaped corridors to try to bring on my contractions. I felt numb when I saw Dads holding their new babies and heard a few mums screaming in labour.

3 hours passed and I had my second. The insertion of the pessary hurt like a knife blade. I used gas and air whilst Nanny and Daddy held my arms and reassured me. I then had what felt like heavy period cramps. I could cope with just paracetamol and rocked through the contractions. Daddy couldn’t stand to watch me in pain and was angry and sad at what had happened and what was to come. Grandpa prayed.

Soon after that pessary I had a high temperature so was put on a drip with 2 lots of antibiotics. It was likely a reaction to the pessaries but they had to be sure I didn’t have an infection. By the third I couldn’t control the shivering which took over my whole body. I frequently needed to use the toilet and Nanny helped me each time. She and Daddy took it in turns to put cold flannels on my head to try to bring my temperature down. I felt very uncomfortable with a tight tummy. Grandpa went to get a wheat bag and some overnight things and food for the morning as he and Nanny were allowed to stay in the next en-suite luxury room.

I was hot then cold and overly emotional and extremely exhausted. i took pain killers through the drip. At each pessary and through each contraction which soon came every 30 seconds I chanted ‘ I am doing this to honour my babies, I am doing this to honour my babies’ and my eyes followed the patterns on the ceiling to focus myself away from the pain. The physical pain took over the emotional pain. I chose to be brave. This was the final thing I could do as your mother before you were born.

As I was so tired the midwives said I could take a break to sleep and start again in the morning! No! I had to carry on!

At the 5th pessary (15 hours) the contractions were so strong and though I tried so hard to be brave Nanny and Daddy sat on my bed with me and pleaded with me to have an epidural. I reluctantly gave in.

I am pleased I did though. The anesthetist was able to put in the epidural between contractions as I sat on the edge of the bed with my head looking down at the floor. After some time my pain eased as I pressed the button each time. I got a bit of rest but no sleep as my mind was active and confused.

Then my waters broke! you were soon to be here. I had dilated well. Grandpa arrived back.

For some reason I could still feel pain deep inside my uterus and back on my right hand side. They laid me on that side to see if the anasthetic would move to where I needed it and it did.

Whilst on my side I then felt a contraction and a pressure in my bottom and suddenly you were here Chloe!

Chloe Beatrice Emiola born at 1.51 am Tues 27th Sept (600g/1.3lb)

I couldn’t see you as you were out of view but Daddy did! I will never forget the shocked look on his face as he exclaimed ‘Oh my God’ as he saw you for the first time. He carefully cut your cord. The lovely midwife who delivered you both (she was caring and reminded me of Aunty M, my sister) handed you to me in a little white sheet and said ‘this is Chloe’. Oh ‘she is so beautiful, she’s got Daddy’s nose and bear feet’ I uttered with a smile. I held you close. I felt your soft warm feet so sweet and so tiny, your warm head and hands. Your skin was a deep pinky tone and your features were just like Daddy’s. You had our small ears. Your tongue slightly stuck out which I thought was adorable.

Then Daddy proudly held you, you looked so small in his arms. Then Nanny and Grandpa held you – their first Grand child!

Grace Suzanne Olufemi born at 3.23am Tues 27th Sept(500g/1.1lb).

Over an hour later of being on IV drugs to bring on more contractions I, now laying on my back, pushed and pushed and then Grace your head came out. Daddy was there watching as you were delivered, much slower than how Chloe came out. On the next push you came out. The cord was around your neck so the midwife removed that and then Daddy cut your cord. Nanny brought you to me. You were so beautiful just like your sister and I couldn’t wait to hold you too. I held you on your own at first and then held you both together. I felt your soft sweet tiny feet, your warm pale skin (like mummy). You had more curled up toes just like mummy’s but your nose more like Daddy’s.

Daddy had a special time with you and Nanny and Grandpa did too. Grandpa took photos of you both whilst you were still warm and just born.

Some time later I then delivered the placenta. A biopsy of this was sent for testing.

You were our beautiful little baby girls, lifeless but perfectly formed.  The cords were so tangled and knotted ; the cause of why you both died. There was nothing we could have done differently as it happened so fast.

We all wept over you, though somehow I was full of joy.  I felt guilty at this as I should be feeling upset but why should I not rejoice too at seeing my new babies?

We were all exhausted, me especially after 17 hours of labour. Daddy went to sleep on the bed in the room and Grandpa and Nanny went to their special room. The midwife put you side by side together in the cot. I lay awake for hours in shock at the trauma that had taken place. I cried and spoke aloud in anger and then told you how much I loved you and prayed you would come back to life. I finally drifted to sleep though my temperature was still high and my mind was racing. You remained next to my bed until I woke to face the next day.

Somehow I had energy though I only slept a few hours to get up and have breakfast. I was a bit stiff from the epidural. My temperature was back to normal so I could go home when ready though needed to take antibiotics for the next week.

The midwives took prints of your tiny feet. Chloe it looks like you moved as there is a smudge but we know you didn’t.

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We left you in your cot where you looked at peace together and wheeled you through to the en-suite room where we stayed for some hours before we had to say goodbye.

This next day you didn’t look the same, you were cold, your souls had gone 😦

The Chaplain from the area came to pray with us which was lovely. An amazing volunteer photographer from Remembering my baby came to take photos of your last moments with Mummy and Daddy whilst Nanny and Grandpa went for a walk for some air. We chose some beautiful knitted dresses and hats and satin embroidered gowns that had been donated to the hospital that the midwife carefully dressed you in and we held you for the last time. We were a family!

Then once back in your cot, Nanny and Grandpa came back from their walk and we introduced you to Aunty M, Grandma and our own vicar (who comforted us all with encouraging words and prayers). They loved you and cried over you.

Most of this time I felt in a daze. It felt like a weird nightmare and not reality for me. My memories of the past few days didn’t connect up in a linear order but in fragments and I couldn’t make sense of my emotions which changed frequently from guilt to anger, to a sense of loss to utter devastation.

Mummy and Daddy held each other close. We spoke over you and told you we loved you. We said Goodbye xxxx

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Devastation

Sep25

Chloe and Grace, we trusted God and took for granted that in 8 weeks we would have you in our lives and arms. We never expected that you would die on the exact day of reaching 24 weeks!

On Friday 23rd Sept we were so happy to have reached a milestone of 24 weeks. Though your cords were entangled you were doing so well.  Your hearts at the 22 week scan had been strong, there was good blood flow and each day I would feel your reassuring kicks to say all was well. The 24 week scan was due on Monday 26th Sept when we knew the risks would go down because if a problem was detected you could be taken out and have a chance to survive.

However on Friday 23rd Mummy worried as you seemed to kick less whilst I was working from home but sometimes you did that. By that evening when on the sofa (a place you loved to kick and move) I came to the realisation that Grace, you had gone quiet. I knew something could be wrong when I felt neither of you kick but had also read that at this stage kicks would be irregular, perhaps you were asleep? I had been reading the momo group stories on line, the miraculous successes but also about the risks. I said to Daddy that on Monday we would need ask the consultant to see you more often, every week instead of having to wait two weeks each time and also discuss if we could be monitored closely in hospital as they do in America.

Daddy went out for a drink with his friend. I read more and more and had a feeling of dread – it would really be a miracle if you were born alive, so many don’t make it! For weeks I knew this truth but prayed and hoped and chose to be positive for your sake and for my own sanity! No sense in over worrying I would tell myself and besides God had finally given us these babies he had to see it through!

Yet being a natural worrier and feeling how I now did at the thought of something being wrong quite literally froze me, for ages I felt like I couldn’t move. I stayed up late and watched comedy and tried not to stress. Daddy came home and I told him I was worried. I prayed when I went to bed and spoke to you as I usually do and firmly touched you to coax you to move. I fell asleep.

On the Saturday morning I lay there. Still no movement. I felt like you had already gone. I would usually speak to you by name and rub my tummy and you would kick back. In the days before this you danced and kicked and I could even see you move under my skin. At all the scans you were my dancing babies. You would kiss and cuddle each other. I just knew something wasn’t right but thought still that all would be ok.

Scared, I spoke to a midwife, she said to lay still and time it for half an hour and feel for kicks. I even tried to drink cold water. We decide to go to hospital. That journey was awful, it reminded me of the few weeks before when I had a tiny bleed and thought the worst but Daddy prayed powerfully and reminded me that God wouldn’t give us you and then take you away. I held onto these words as he had way more faith than I clearly did as I couldn’t even think straight.

The nurse did a quick scan, there you were… still and not moving but she quickly stopped and just said she wasn’t great at doing scans and said we should wait for the doctor. The half an hour watching the clock waiting for the doctor (with Daddy frequently checking where he was) was the longest half hour of our lives.

Until this day we never expected the worst. Though you were very rare twins and were very high risk as you shared the same sac we had made a decision to be positive and had all along clung to faith and hope. For six months we had prepared for you, bought and borrowed all we needed to welcome you.

But we received the worst news ever from the doctor ‘ I am sorry but I can’t find their heartbeats’. We felt only devastation and heartbreak. We lost you our twin babies Chloe and Grace.

Screams and wailing burst from my mouth with no control and from deep inside as I can only imagine the women did in the bible when their babies were killed. I curled up on my side in a fetal position grasping at you in my tummy.  Daddy was stood there in shock but then held me close. I could not be consoled yet I had to move, we were told they needed a consultant to check again in an upstairs private room. I entered the lift with Daddy, a lady next to me pregnant with all the hope in the world that I had had only a few hours before. All this had now gone for me. I don’t remember walking to the new room it was a blur.

Again we waited but then a team of midwives and a consultant arrived. I prayed the first doctor had somehow been wrong and that your heart beats could be found. He took his time but again I heard those words ‘I am really sorry’. This time I could not look at the scanning screen, looking at you lifeless would cut my heart into pieces.

All our dreams had shattered. I just wanted you back.

Realisation set in at what this would now mean when the midwives started talking about coming back in Monday morning to be induced and give birth to you. Something i ha made no plans or preparation for as you were meant to be born by cesarean section in 8 weeks. Then we found ourselves having to decide if we wanted a post mortum and a burial or cremation!

We then had the heartbreaking task of telling closest family and friends who we had told already that we were going to the hospital. They were praying for you. For some friends we texted but we needed to call family. I will never forget having to say to Nanny ‘ Mummy, they have died!’ – those words and knowing what that would do to them will never leave me. They love you so much.

The midwives were amazing and sensitive to our feelings and needs. We needed to make decisions and face the coming days which were only to get worse.

I had to take a special pill to soften my cervix ready for the Monday to go into labour. I so didn’t want to take that pill. I felt like I was in the Matrix film. I kept thinking that maybe you would come back to life but me taking this pill would be accepting you had gone and there was no going back. I swallowed hard and faced the truth and my future.

Nanny and Grandpa came to stay for the next few weeks. There would be a day on the Sunday when I would be carrying you though you had died. Mummy and daddy needed them so much to be there for us.

We were devastated. It was like we had entered a terrifying nightmare that we couldn’t wake up from. Part of me just wanted to hold onto you inside me where you had been for 6 months, safe and loved, you were part of me.  Yet keeping hold of you and being aware you could no longer kick or move motivated me to prepare my heart and face the fear of what would be a 17 hour labour to finally meet you, our beautiful babies, on the Tuesday.

We love you always. We will always be your Mummy and Daddy!

We will see you again in heaven. You are now in the arms of the Father and Jesus xxxx

 

 

 

 
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Week 24

Sep22

You are each about 30 cm long. Your lungs are starting to produce surfactant that will ensure they don’t collapse when you breath air after birth.

You can detect what is bitter and sweet 🙂

Your hand palms and soles of your feet have little creases. You can suck your fingers and toes.

An update on Mummy 

So excited to reach 24 weeks!

Mummy had remnants of a horrible cold and couldn’t take the usual cold remedies but slept lots and had you for company kicking away and soon felt better.

Mummy found it hard to sleep as tummy uncomfortable as you grow but loved to feel you both kicking away.

Grace you  moved up high and when we did interviews at work for my replacement – my line manager could see you moving!!

Last working day is in 5 weeks. Feeling strange. Would have been at work 10 years this coming February. We are going to let the person on my team who got the job know on Tuesday. This is what I have always wanted but all scary. Bit sad but also happy 🙂 Will start maternity leave on 14th November but take holiday from 28th October.

I wrote on my special momo group page and have decided to ask on Monday at our 24 week scan if we can see you every week instead of every two.

Me and you… what have we been doing this week? 

We went to Mothercare to spend birthday vouchers. We bought you some beautiful things – ‘Daddy’s little birdie’, ‘I love you’ and ‘I love mummy’ long sleeved body suits with turn over cuffs to stop your nails scratching your face. Forest and Zoo animal sets with cute animals on them. Cute bunny embroidered muslin squares for burping or wrapping you. Bath time towels, cute mouse range sleep suits. baby brush and nail clippers, cellular woven blankets for bed time and something extra special…the cutest Peter rabbit edition outfits… Thank you so much Aunty M and Uncle D.

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The twin Z feeding pillow arrived! so pretty and can’t wait to use it to feed you both.

Received a very generous gift from friends at church so we can get a tumble dryer and reusable nappy set as we always wanted 🙂

Week 23

Sep16

You are each about 29cm long.

You look just like a newborn now although slightly leaner. You can now make insulin and due to the development of your inner ears you know if you are upside down in my womb.

An update on Mummy:

Mummy dyed her hair with help of Nanny to get rid of the greys. So nice not to use ammonia for a change.

At church Mummy drew a picture of you both nestled in the hands of God. You are each touching Jesus’ heart at the centre. It was an evening of expressive praise. This is what came to mind. You are safe in God’s hands.

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Very reassured by your super kicks now!!

Mummy has a special pillow from a friend for night timeand although i have some pelvic pain I am learning how to manage it.

Was off work with horrid head and sinus cold.

Still enjoying my cheeses. Also the left over chocolates from my birthday.

Me and you… What have we been doing this week?

Mummy and Daddy saw you at our 22wk and 3 days scan. We had to wait over an hour as it was busy.  Low Placenta has risen up a bit which is good 🙂

Upset to see some mummies crying in the waiting room. Mummy prayed for them and you.

Caught up with my mentor – talked about identity in God and how he has been there on our journey!!

Aunty M’s father in law died suddenly and we were all in shock 😦 Praying lots.

Bought our first baby car seat (by Maxi Cosi).