Tag Archive | girls

Heart full, mind full

May21

My mind is full of my girls today and as I think about them my heart feels full too. I wrote down lots of words that came to mind and used an on line word-cloud maker to express in these moments what my heart may look like. Some words are bigger than others as they were most prominent in my thoughts. The mix of colours I chose were also a reflection of how I feel and how I wanted to portray the words and my babies. Some words are positive and some negative which resembles this journey I am on too and how my mind flitters from one thought to another. 

A lift encounter 

Jan27

This evening I got into a lift with my hubby after a much deserved date night and we were very quickly followed in by a mum and her identical twin girls. They were maybe 4 or 5 years old with deep brown eyes, dark long hair and olive skin. As the door closed I was trapped and felt a sense of panic as for a few moments I couldn’t avoid facing my strong mixed emotions.

As they gazed up at me and gave me the cutest smiles I was mesmerized. My heart just felt full and part of me just wanted to stare at their beauty. As I looked into their eyes I could imagine that this lady was me. Me with my daughters Chloe and Grace. Had we just been shopping together ? Or for a meal?

The other part of me just hurt to the core and my heart again felt broken.This was not me but should have been.

On the whole, seeing babies and children don’t get to me as much anymore but identical twin girls in a lift with no way to avoid them was a real test for my heart. No matter what happens and in how many years I will always have Chloe and Grace in my thoughts, I will know the age they should be at any given time and though I never got to look into my babies’ eyes as they were born sleeping, whenever I see twins or little girls with deep brown eyes, I will dream of what could have been.